This post is going to be very VERY hard for me to actually publish. I tend to find or see myself as successful when actually deciding to do most things. I am not perfect and dont always do them great but I do my best when doing anything. Till now!
Yesterday was a breaking point for me. I have, what I call, officially crossed over into the "failure/back sliden/give up" point. After stepping on the scale again to see I have officially put on yet another 3 lbs.....I just cant handle it!
No I am not eating salad and chicken daily.....I occasionally eat potatoes and corn chips w/salsa. But this is NOT a daily thing. Obviously eating the fruit and veggie pH diet was not working for MY Body! Lets face it.......NO ONE and I mean NO ONE should gain weight because of the occasional once a week chips and salsa or potatoes or beans/rice with their meal. I can even be honest and say that in the last month I have had some fried pickles........STILL....no one should put on weight like this. EVER!
You would think if I was eating cake, cookies, candy, soda, pasta, bread, donuts and bags of chips....Yah I should start to gain weight....IF I ATE ONLY THAT ALL DAY LONG EVERYDAY! But I am not.
So the devil got a hold of my brain last night.....see the "stinking thinking" set it. Sounding like this...."If I am going to get fat eating right and focusing on EVERY little thing I eat....then why not get fat eating fun stuff. yah it is toxic but it has been 2 years since I had chocolate cake w/ chocolate icing. Or a cinnamon roll with cream cheese icing. I am not a bread eater but sour dough is my favorite...so why not eat a piece with hot butter if your gaining weight ANYWAY! See Coopers snickers sitting on your desk....you will gain the same weight with that as you would eating the carrots and juice you are eating now...so go for it!!!"
I am here to gladly say I did NOT eat those things BUT I did eat a very small FREE ice cream from a Mexican restaurant along with a FREE small sopapilla and one fresh tortilla. Most sugar and bread I have had in over 2 years....I came home and was tired and totally in a bad mood. My body is swollen last night and still today.
I can kill candida and parasites on my own but NO WAY I should be
gaining weight like this from those issues. Maybe if I was eating all
the bad foods from above but not the way I am eating.
So as of today....all I can think about is WHAT THE HECK TO DO! So I decided I am going to see a Dr. Doctor to do blood work. I want to see if my blood says I am pre-diabetic. Is my liver truly shot or struggling. He is a medical Dr who has worked ER for years but prefers holistic approach. So he should look at me with DR eyes and run DR test but help me heal with natural ways.....Plus, I am 40 and would love to have a blood work test to have as a marker for my later years.
I am so sorry that I am letting everyone down. This kills me, just kills me. I know how to get well and how to treat things but I just am not sure what all I am treating and the best way to treat it at this time...so there for I am floundering like a crazy woman and the enemy is coming at me with lies about food.
Pray for me and that I can hear from the Lord. See, He knows EVERYTHING I need. What I can and can not do and the best way for me to go about it. Honestly I dont believe I am even that "sick". Meaning I dont believe that I am in all that bad of a place...I just think one little thing is off and the way I am eating and supplements I am taking are triggering it the wrong way.
Lord, I come to you now publicly proclaiming that You know everything about me. You know the truth and the lies about where I stand. I also know you dont care about my "size or looks" but about my health. Yes Lord I do NOT want to get huge again but I dont ask to be skinny either. Please Lord help me get my body back to the perfect health You have designed for it. That the truth would be revealed and the lies exposed. That I would no longer focus on the lies and walk out the truth from here on out. I truly believe I am healthy, I am well and I am strong. I just need you to show me what parts I am contributing to my life that are ailing it. I ask these things in Your name Jesus and believe you have an answer for me. Thank you Lord.
I've been praying for you, my friend. Sticking close to God, you will beat this thing, whatever it is! I know your struggles. Keep making healthy choices and whatever the problem is will eventually show its ugly face.
ReplyDeleteKiana and I are reading Mary-Ann Shearer's books again. She is AMAZING! If you don't have any of her books, I highly recommend them. She is a strong Christian woman who is also a nutritionalist and wise. Her food intake is focused on plant-based foods, with a few allowances every now and then for some dairy and flesh.
I'm praying that God gives the doctor His wisdom, and that he will be able to point you in the healing direction! Hang in there. You KNOW it's worth it!