Today I sit here 38 days away from my 38th birthday. I am in a strange place because I am waiting on the Lord to direct me to what I need and should do for my health and weight this year. This is a VERY BIG DEAL and here is why.
Two years ago I was once again depressed and fretting over how fat and unhealthy I was. And how I dont eat like a fat obese person but yet I am huge. While walking in my room I just decided to pick up an OLD journal. I journal everything and have consistently since i was 18. So this day I open one of these journals and on the page it has.." today I weight ___ and by this day I want to weight____. I am going to eat __,__,___ for the next ___ days." So I flipped two or three pages ahead and I see...." I failed already. I ate sugar today and I have not lost anything." Then I skip a year in my book and what do I see..." Today I weigh ___ and by this day I want to weigh_____. I spent time with the Lord and He told me to eat______ for the next ___ days." I flip a few pages and what does it say..."I could not keep on my diet. I had soda and pop corn. I failed again!!!" So I decided to go get my very first diary and look back to see when it started. I was beside myself. On the second page it started. Here is what it said...."Monday 12/31/1984 (new years eve). It is the last day for me to eat sweats." WHAT? I am like 12 and I think I am going to stop eating sweets for my life? Sad. Fast forward five years 2/25/1990 it says.."I am still fat"....and so on and so on. So, in 2008 after reading yrs of journals full of this sadness I had had it. I did not want my kids to read yrs of books to only find out I was obsessed with myself, food, diets and weight. I mean year after year it was some kind of new "DIET" I just "KNEW" I was supposed to be on, all to find 3 pages later I could not stick to it. I was crushed. Totally crushed because my purpose in keeping a journal is so if something ever happens to me my children and family can read about me and my life. I wanted them to see my walk with the Lord and my growth in Him and the things I have accomplished. Instead all my kids will read about is how obsessed i was about being fat and my looks..........THAT WAS NOT OK!
I was DONE! So I told the Lord that day I will no longer have a regiment or diet plan. No longer will I ever write about my plan and progress. I WILL NOT HAVE A DIET REGIMENT that defines my life ever again. I knew however that there is a better me under this fat body suit. It has not been my season in years to care about my weight or size. The Lord freed me from so much of my care about my looks and insecurities over the last 3 yrs. What a freedom to walk in a room and actually not have one single thought about how fat I think I look or do my cloths make me look fat. It started at 12 yrs old, that is a long time of self condemnation. FREEDOM..Thank you Lord. That does not mean I want to stay the size of a fat person nor do I want the health risk attached to it. So for the first time in years I can feel that this year is a season of change in this area for me.
BLUE PRINTS:
So now I wait on the Lord. In 2008 I had a realization that when the Lord made me He had a BLUE PRINT for me. He had designed what I was going to look like and what I was going to do in this earth suit. So I decided right then I was going to ask the Lord, "What is my blue print. What size should I be and what is my designed weight?" So here I sit in this new season waiting on the Lord to show me HIS blue print for me. And the way THIS body needs to be fed and exercised. We all have blue prints and I will blog about this soon. Until then I HIGHLY recommend a book called "YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WEIGH" It does not talk about blue prints but there is some great info in there I believe the Lord would tell us to our faces if He was sitting beside us...lol
So here is to waiting on the Lord..not the easiest thing to do...but I will do it. And until then I would like to blog about the things I do know about in health, the things the Lord has shown me and things I learned in school. Hopefully someday I can maybe write a book but for now I would love to help change some lives....starting with MINE!
Be blessed and fruitful today, Tage
Tage, that was really good. I know where you are coming from. I have had to work on my weight all my life it seems. Big girl in jr. high and then I lost weight in high school but even then I felt like the big girl and I wasn't. After having kids the weight really piled on and now that they are 7 and 9 I am once again on a quest to change my weight and my life. After losing 35lbs since August I am faced with feeling so much better but knowing I am still considered obese! I am suppose to weight 114 to 141 lbs. That means I still have 25lbs to lose. My new goal is to lose 20lbs by April. I did the first 35 with HCG and now I will do the last with exercise and reduced cal. To me it all comes out in the wash... 500cals and no exercise or 1300cals and 2 hrs of exercise! Any how, I with you on this journey. How ever you make it happen!
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